Eating Disorder Stuff &
Is What I Post Here
CW: Huge, 120-135
UGW: Back up to a healthy BMI
BMI : 18-21 maybe?
I have an eating disorder. This blog is called Inspirations, but I don't mean it as an inspiration for the behaviors I reblog.
Ughh, sorry I haven’t posted in forever, I’ve been relapsing pretty hard. At this point it feels like I’ve pretty much returned to my ED status quo and I don’t really want to try to recover any more. My nurse from college called today to see how I was doing and I missed the phone because I was purging…of course. I know I should probably call her back tomorrow, but what would I even say to her? “Yeah I’m doing terribly and purging 3-7 times a day again.”? I just don’t see the point. And I’m working again, as an ice cream server at Friendly’s where I worked as a hostess last summer and winter break. I just started training and it’s a somewhat physical job, I really hope I don’t pass out at work. And I haven’t seen my friends in over a week and a half despite the fact that it’s summer and I know they’re all around. /siiiiigh. Oh and a bunch of people are dying right now, my uncle died, my dad’s friend is dying after an accident, a friend of a friend killed herself last week - funeral was today, my friend’s dog died suddenly. Summer is being kind of shitty right now….I’ll try to keep posting positive/pro-recovery stuff more regularly though.
Tired of having my youth stolen away.
Tired of only living from doctor’s appointment to grocery store to school to doctor’s appointment.
Tired of being cold, sick and lonely.
Tired of resisting the wonderful smells of family dinners.
Tired of being monitored, discussed and analyzed by professionals and parents.
Tired of being restricted from walking, hiking, biking, shopping, running, loving, smiling, traveling and enjoying myself.
Tired of this damn disorder.
“If you eat healthy and exercise, you can lose weight! You don’t have to starve/purge/binge!”
- Reminder #1: Food is my medicine and nourishment for my body
- Reminder #2: It is perfectly okay to eat above and beyond my mealplan.
- Reminder #3: Normal people eat more on some days. It doesn't hurt them, and it won't hurt me either.